I never had the priviledge to celebrate father’s day with my dad for he passed away when I was still a kid in high school. He was my sole financial supporter and he was everything to me in the whole world. I remember while I was growing up in Hong Kong, I never could lived up to his expectations as my performance in school was a disaster. Education was very important to my dad and he placed strong emphasis on grades and rankings in school, and needless to say, I was pretty close to be at the bottom of the list. He would scold me whenever I brought home bad report cards which required his signature. He spent many hours lecturing me and to bring to my attention that getting a solid foundation in education was a necessary step to being successful in life. Although he seemed very upset with me all the time, he was a caring person and wanted me to do well in school so I could become a functional individual in the society and establish independence in the future. I do have a lot of respect for my father and being the youngest child in the family of nine, he showed a lot more love and affection toward me more so than to any of my siblings.( Me and my dad were 57 years apart.) He could easily be my grandfather and we have been mistaken about this numerous times in public.
The most fearful thing on my mind while I was growing up was losing him. I wouldn’t dare to give this thought for too long because I worried as to who would be taking care of me if he ever leaves. I still remember while he was lecturing me, he would often say ” son, you need to do well in school, get good grades and make me happy. Don’t make me mad and worry all the time and that way I can live longer to take care of you until you become independent. If I die, your life would be miserable for you know I am the only one who can take good care of you in this world unconditionally, so bring me good news and show me good grades, keep me happy so I live longer, don’t ever disappoint me.” I was too young and not able to establish a strong rapport with my dad and I often kept quiet and just listened. But deep down in my heart, I understood what he was trying to say and I prayed that he would live a long time even after I become a successful adult so it would be my turn to take care of him and to show my appreciation of everything that he has done for me. Well, that dream was shattered when he passed away while I was still attending high school in America.
Today all I can do is remembering how he brought me up, all the teachings from his relentless lectures, his unconditional care for my future, and the golden opportunity he provided by sending me to America at a very young age to starting a new life and a new beginning to the road of success. I can still remember vividly what he said to me as a farewell speech, ” son, I don’t expect you to be rich and famous, but to become a useful person in the society and whatever that you choose to do in the future, make sure you can stand on your own feet and contribute something good to the world.” I still have the poem he wrote for me, but the only regret I have is that I wasn’t able to open up and developed a strong rapport with him to show my appreciation for what he has done. I have missed all of those moments and chances, but I was just too young at the time and not knowing how to respond to him or showing affection for him. ( To this day, I still have a difficult time showing affection for others.) I have lived, survived and overcome obstacles in life and become the person I am today through the seeds my father planted in me. I only have him to thank for.
Most of my friends are dads themselves and seeing all the gatherings they have on father’s day, I thought to myself what I would do if my dad is still alive today. One thing I know for sure is that I would enjoy carrying out meaningful conversation with him which I never did, buying him gifts on all the holidays which I never had, and taking care of him which I never will be able to. I think ( at a 99% confident level), that he would be very pleased of what I have done for myself these days. But now all I can do is to remember him, not just on father’s day, but every day of my life which I am living and knowing that it is made possible for me is because of him. I will miss his unconditional love forever because I know to this day, nobody can provide such quality of love for me. It is what it is and I have come to accepting it; in fact, I have accepted it a long time ago from the very moment when he left me. I used to think maybe I’ll see him in my next life to thank him for everything, but as I get to understand natural science much better these days( no evidence of after life or a soul surviving death), I come to realize that I will never get to see him again or repay him, only to treasure the memories of what he has contributed in me.
Happy father’s day to all and please treasure what you have and continue to build fond memories because nothing last forever. Take the time to tell your beloved dad how much you love him and spend as much quality time with him as you can. Make every day a father’s day to show your appreciation and cherish those magical moments you spend with him. Time awaits nobody. I truly admire those people who have quality parents and how fortunate you are.
Meanwhile, I am back at the city of sin ( Las Vegas) celebrating the beginning of summer holidays and father’s day in a different way. I can imagine how my father would have enjoyed the glamorous casinos and wonderful shows at this exciting city of sin and with me accompanying him to all the hot spots, he would be so delighted and maybe even proud to see that his youngest and the most unstable child in the family whom he once doubted if he could ever succeed in life , is now touring him in one of the most glamorous cities in the world. As a son, I miss him dearly but as a scientist, I am not going to accept that his soul is living in a different dimension overlooking at what I do every day. I can only remember him and knowing that I am very fortunate having him as my father and he will live in my heart forever.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!